Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and Stoker and I were very original in our gift-giving. I gave him some cologne and he gave me some perfume. I know it sounds very boring and predictable, but what’s the point of Valentine’s Day anyway? It’s probably the worst holiday we celebrate, if you can even call it a holiday. No one gets the day off. No one even knows where it came from except for some vague story about some guy named Valentine who supposedly gave a Valentine and was killed and blah blah blah. Typical pagan celebration with sexual overtones turned Christian. Anyway, we can now use it as an excuse to give chocolate-related presents and cologne and sexy underwear. Sadly, Stoker and I did not give each other sexy underwear because we wouldn’t be able to (in good conscience) use it until June 3rd. Yes, my friends, June 3rd, for that is the new Official Day of Our Union. Hereafter referred to as the ODOU. Pronounced, o-doo. Send any gifts, monetary or large packages, to Nicole, P.O. Box 123456, Anywhere, USA. Just kidding, I made that address up. If you send anything to that address you deserve to win a Darwin award.
About the cologne and perfume. I’ve been wanting to give him cologne for some time now. I showered him with gifts at Christmas because I’m into giving gifts, and I couldn’t (in good conscience) give him one more Christmas gift. I had to wait. Sooo. We chose to do it on Valentine’s Day.
In other news, on Saturday Stoker and I went to the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Worse than the movie Maid in Manhattan, and easily the most offensive movie I have ever seen, beating out Trainspotting. I want to explain that I don’t think I’m easily offended by movies or music. But I have limits. And I also want to say that what the hell is wrong with being offended by something? Limits, if they’ve been defined by yourself and based on your own desires and choices and are not enforced by another party, are good. They keep society decent. Others would have you believe that limits are BAD. They’re LIMITING (redundant, I know, but purposely so). And I must say, Hollywood would especially have us believe that being offended is stupid. But I say Hollywood is mainly stupid and most of the fruit they've labored to produce is crap. I had suspected as much upon seeing certain movies, like Maid in Manhattan (which I saw with my sweet, little aunt. She wanted me to go along with her, so I did, being a kind, generous person. And if you cannot sense my tongue-in-cheek tones….) But after having everything good and humane and decent virtually flushed down the toilet on Saturday night, I knew Hollywood was the largest receptacle for sewage and filth in America. I steal my references like Hollywood = sewage plant, from Michael Savage. Yes, sometimes he’s a jerk, but very often he’s right on. And about Hollywood, I think he is.
So, Sideways. There’s all this buzz around about it. Academy awards, Golden Globe awards. But if you believe everything you see or hear, especially when it comes from a group of critics and not an average person like me with nothing to gain from saying it sucks, you deserve to sit through the disgusting film. No one in the media will tell you how awful Sideways is because they’re idiots and paid off -- they have jobs to think about. But I’m telling you. I have no agenda except to be honest about it.
More on Sideways tomorrow.