Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Sideways, the Movie, Sucks

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and Stoker and I were very original in our gift-giving. I gave him some cologne and he gave me some perfume. I know it sounds very boring and predictable, but what’s the point of Valentine’s Day anyway? It’s probably the worst holiday we celebrate, if you can even call it a holiday. No one gets the day off. No one even knows where it came from except for some vague story about some guy named Valentine who supposedly gave a Valentine and was killed and blah blah blah. Typical pagan celebration with sexual overtones turned Christian. Anyway, we can now use it as an excuse to give chocolate-related presents and cologne and sexy underwear. Sadly, Stoker and I did not give each other sexy underwear because we wouldn’t be able to (in good conscience) use it until June 3rd. Yes, my friends, June 3rd, for that is the new Official Day of Our Union. Hereafter referred to as the ODOU. Pronounced, o-doo. Send any gifts, monetary or large packages, to Nicole, P.O. Box 123456, Anywhere, USA. Just kidding, I made that address up. If you send anything to that address you deserve to win a Darwin award.

About the cologne and perfume. I’ve been wanting to give him cologne for some time now. I showered him with gifts at Christmas because I’m into giving gifts, and I couldn’t (in good conscience) give him one more Christmas gift. I had to wait. Sooo. We chose to do it on Valentine’s Day.

In other news, on Saturday Stoker and I went to the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Worse than the movie Maid in Manhattan, and easily the most offensive movie I have ever seen, beating out Trainspotting. I want to explain that I don’t think I’m easily offended by movies or music. But I have limits. And I also want to say that what the hell is wrong with being offended by something? Limits, if they’ve been defined by yourself and based on your own desires and choices and are not enforced by another party, are good. They keep society decent. Others would have you believe that limits are BAD. They’re LIMITING (redundant, I know, but purposely so). And I must say, Hollywood would especially have us believe that being offended is stupid. But I say Hollywood is mainly stupid and most of the fruit they've labored to produce is crap. I had suspected as much upon seeing certain movies, like Maid in Manhattan (which I saw with my sweet, little aunt. She wanted me to go along with her, so I did, being a kind, generous person. And if you cannot sense my tongue-in-cheek tones….) But after having everything good and humane and decent virtually flushed down the toilet on Saturday night, I knew Hollywood was the largest receptacle for sewage and filth in America. I steal my references like Hollywood = sewage plant, from Michael Savage. Yes, sometimes he’s a jerk, but very often he’s right on. And about Hollywood, I think he is.

So, Sideways. There’s all this buzz around about it. Academy awards, Golden Globe awards. But if you believe everything you see or hear, especially when it comes from a group of critics and not an average person like me with nothing to gain from saying it sucks, you deserve to sit through the disgusting film. No one in the media will tell you how awful Sideways is because they’re idiots and paid off -- they have jobs to think about. But I’m telling you. I have no agenda except to be honest about it.

More on Sideways tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

Good to know. I almost went to see it today. I wanted to see what all the buzz was about....but, I think I will dismiss that urge now. What did you think of "Million Dollar Baby?"

Aries327 said...

That very night we almost went to see Million Dollar Baby , but we ended up at Sideways and both of us wish we'd gone to the other movie instead. Clint Eastwood, in my experience, has always been a good director. And, again in my experience, has never offended me with graphic sex scenes. His film Mystic River was awesome and told a great story without alienating me. Anyway, funny that you should mention that you almost went to Sideways and that my experience should change yours. I'm glad, because I think I know you, Em, and I think you'd be as offended as I was. You might someday if not immediately, regret going. You'll never regret not going.

the frog princess said...

i happened to love sideways. and so do all my friends. maybe you should say that like-minded people enjoy the same type of movie. i saw it twice.

Aries327 said...

Thanks for you comment, Frog Princess. I'm interested to know what it is you like about the movie. I've explained the reasons I didn't like it. I want to know what you like about it. Or anyone, for that matter. I'm interested to know what is worth sitting through a graphic, violent sex scene that is based on being aroused by infidelity in your spouse. There are films I appreciate like American Beauty that involve infidelity and minor sex scenes and at the end of the movie, the character transformation makes the depravity worth it. For me, there is no reward at the end of Sideways . I feel strongly that a director has a responsibility to their audience, there's a trust between director and audience and Payne, to me, violates that trust. He takes us on a journey with the two men and leaves us in an ugly place at the end. He doesn't give a rat's ass for how he might make his viewer feel.

So, maybe it is only me and like-minded individuals who feel this way. I still want to know what others who have seen it think about it.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I think that Payne *did* have the viewers in mind when he decided to end the movie in that fashion. He wanted to make me feel gross. Of course, he did give me that, 'What's going to happen next to this character and his potential love interest?' feeling but the resolution I came up with was bleak. I felt the characters were static archetypes and not the kiind of people I would associate with, much less want to know about.

Then again, just my opinion.

And ditto....ditto....ditto....on Dr. Michael Savage...Hollywood is a 'great and spacious building' full of sewage.... Lady G