Crushworthy

A poem, by Big Poppa E -- I found him about 5 years ago. Tried to have my stupid Arts and Lectures people bring him in. But they were stupid and not cultured enough to realize the cutting edge culture of Poetry Slamming. It never happened. Something I read today made me think of this great poem. Thanks to Big Poppa E for sending me a copy of this. I tried to keep the original formatting, but some of it may have been lost through emailing. Sorry about that.

CRUSHWORTHY (for Jen)

I want someone
to have a crush on me
for a change

to notice
when I don’t come to class
and wonder if I’m okay

to get nervous
when I enter the cafe,
to fumble
with her papers
and books,
to pick at her clothing
and check her reflection
in salt shakers and napkin holders

to catch her breath
when she sees me from across campus,
tug on her best friend’s collar
and point with her eyes
and whisper loudly,
"There he is...
Big Poppa E!"

to run around the block
as quickly
and nonchalantly
as she can
just to walk past me
make eye contact
and smile

to look into my big brown eyes
(such long lashes!)

from across the room
and think, "Yes..."
to look at my full kissing lips
and think, "Oh yes..."

to hear my voice
and imagine
how her name
would sound
if I said it
if I whispered it
if I...

"Oh yes..."

I want someone
to make up nicknames for me
to talk about me in code
"I saw Backpack Boy today
in the library
in the Romantic Lit. section...
I saw Steel-Toed Boots Boy
talking to some girl (some girl!)
in the bookstore today..."

I want someone
to go straight home
every night
and check her answering machine
just in case
just in case
and check the phone cord
and check the battery
and check the tape
and make sure the goddamned blinking light
isn’t burned out
just in case

I want someone to say,
"You’re wrong about him
because you don’t know him
the way I know him,"
because she can just tell
that I’m a good person
must be
a good person
gotta be
a good person
because I write poetry about my mom and my cats
and because she likes me so much
for some reason
some unexplainable psychic supernatural reaction
to me

me.

I want someone
to mark her calendar
"He talked to me today"

to wonder
what I would smell like
after a long warm sleep
under a down comforter

to close her eyes
and picture
what our kids would look like
to write silly wretched wonderful
poetry
about me
for a change

*****

Big Poppa E