Friday, March 30, 2007

Probably one of the most adorable emails I've ever received. At least in the top ten. No, top five. Yeah, top five.

"So I had to show you this cutest thing ever that Jason made me. He was all embarrased that it was crusty and bad, but I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I took it with me everywhere in D.C., in my pocket and it still melted me everytime I reached in and felt it. I wore my coat again last night and it was still in my pocket. I about died. I pulled it out and Anna was like 'it's the perfect size when you need something to kiss,' and she was kissing it. And Ryan couldn't stop laughing at how adorable it was. In case its not obvious how big it is, it's the same length as my palm."

And in case you can't tell, the bear has the name "kiki" stitched onto it's stomach in red thread. I hope he's making me something similar. Homemade presents melt the heart, don't they?

p.s. Kiki is a nickname for Christy. Christy is the chick who wrote the adorable email.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Today's Forecast: Buckets o' Rain

Smart. I just went out to the gas station to get a drink and am now sitting here in my soaked clothes. It's ridiculous and itchy. Running in Doc Martens is stupid, in case you're ever tempted to run in a pair. It's really bad for the tibialis anterior (yes, I looked that up on Wikipedia). I'm from Utah where rain like you get in Tennessee is unheard of. A person can get away without an umbrella in most rain storms in Utah. Today, in my soaked clothes, in my cubicle where the air conditioner is constantly on (we're stationed in the library of the publishing house and you have to keep the humidity low and I guess the temperature at a steady 65 degrees[?]), I might end up with hypothermia.

Oh yeah, that Arc'teryx jacket I have? Not a rain jacket.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

3 2 7

Yeah, it's my birthday! Whoo-hooo! I keep forgetting, actually.

I'm 29. And bald. Jk. But at least I'm not, you know, 29 and balding. I'm a girl, so it would be tough, short of medical or rebellious reasons, to be bald. I do have a great 80s look going on, though. I keep thinking, man, I'll grow it out. But as soon it gets a bit long, I go crazy and get it cut again. Then it's short again, too short, and I cry and cry for about a day because I look like a boy and I'm not used to the haircut. After about two days I'm ok. A week later, it's long again and I go through the entire identity crisis scenario again.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through an entire life with so many combative emotions. I really don't. If only I looked like Julie Christie in
Fahrenheit 451, the character Clarisse, with short hair. She's gorgeous. And if only I wore adorable, girlish outfits like Clarisse. And if only I had that sexy gap between my two front teeth like Clarisse. As it is, I had a spoiled upbringing and wore braces for four years. Oh yes, this million dollar smile wasn't free, you know.

What is a birthday celebration if not to salve the sorrow and fear of growing old? I'm sure other cultures have done it differently, like those cultures where age means wisdom and the elderly are revered. I'm past the point where a birthday was awesome because finally, you're getting some respect and maybe getting closer to being freed fom the iron fist of your communist parents. I'm to the point where every birthday (if not every day) brings me closer to the realization that my youth is gone. It's not the thought of death that scares me (because, you know, old age brings death), it's the thought of everything else that does: being overlooked, forgotten, no longer inherently beautiful just because I'm young, and so on. So, curse the bastard media and their youth-worshipping ways!

This year I wasn't forgotten. My good old friends remembered me, and my family did, and Stoker has been a doll. Bless you Stoker! Bless you old friends! Bless you family! (Sorry, that's so sappy. I'm usually sarcastic as hell, but today, for some reason, I don't feel like it.)

FYI -- don't click on the link to Hotbaugh's blog. There's nude pictures of me on it! Bwah ha ha ha.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Here's Your Handbasket

Oh great. This is great. This is just what we need in our society to, you know, improve interpersonal relationships. It will be a boon to society. It will really make those long bus and plane rides go by in a flash. We just can't get enough of that good ol' fashioned porn.

Some clips (highlights, really) from the breaking
news story:

"Naturally, porn kings are setting their sights on mobile phones. Handsets are more private than PCs, increasingly ubiquitous and, thanks to high-speed 3G networks, now capable of streaming video. Juniper Research estimates that the adult mobile content market will more than double by 2011, to more than $3 billion."


"'It will happen,' says Hirsch, who notes that Vivid producers now take into account the limitations of smaller screens by using wider angles 'so close-ups don't feel claustrophobic.' Eventually, Hirsch expects mobile to be an 'integral part' of Vivid's business."

Yeah, those damn close-ups really suck on such a small screen. Nothing like a tight, claustrophobic shot to ruin the mood.

"Getting smut into the hands of U.S. consumers won't be easy. Carriers so far have shied away from selling hard-core videos, games or pictures directly through their networks. This means that wireless users with browser-enabled phones have to get their porn searching adult sites - a cumbersome process made worse by the poor quality of the mobile Web and the ability of carriers to block sites they don't want subscribers accessing."

Well, maybe we could have a meeting about it and brainstorm some ways to facilitate our subscribers' porn-browsing. Also, is there a way we can make it more available to them while they're on the subway? That will be integral. Perhaps a cellular tower in the subway. Can we get one down there? Browsing porn while riding the subway is primo. There's a lot of downtime on the subway, while our subscribers are commuting -- it's a veritable gold mine.

"That never-say-never vow is significant. Chamberlain, the In-Stat analyst, doesn't think major U.S. carriers are going to jump on the porn bandwagon anytime soon, but he knows someone will - and that that someone will make a ton of money.

"Hirsch, the Los Angeles porn publisher, couldn't agree more and says he's prepared to tough it out. 'This is just the beginning,' he says."

Bwah ha ha ha ha. We'll turn this planet into a living hell if it's the last thing we do!