Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Being Honest With You, My Dear Blog

You wouldn't know it, but I tend to hold a lot back. A LOT. A. LOT. But starting today, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm going to be more open about things. Is that cool?


I think I've made this promise before, in other blog posts, but I mean it this time. I really do.

What I usually hold back is, well, the truth about what I'm doing and whatnot. I usually only write about the safe things, things that I'm not afraid for people to know, like me exercising (kicking arse!), running races, music I like, and my random thoughts about current events. Typically those are rants, the ones about current events, and even there, I hold back. I could rant so hard it would burn your brain into a skull-puddle. Skull-puddle. How does that sound? *shiver

Anyway, I hold back the most about my writing. Back when I put links up to some of my stories, you wouldn't know it, but that was huge for me. Enormous. It was quite scary, too. And so far, it's been terrible. No one has even noticed them. I think twenty people have read the stories and they were all in my family.

No big deal. That's what happens when you don't advertise. Plus, who wants to pay for MY stories when you can read my blog for free? My blog is so fascinating. Who needs to get their fix from my stories?

Right now, all that's going on my life is: 1) taking care of Corbet (my son, born eight months ago); 2) maintaining the house (that's hard, if you've never done it before, it involves things like sweeping, folding laundry, dusting blinds, etc. Sucky work, but someone's got to do it); 3) exercising like a banshee; got to get that lithe figure back, you know, ha. Ha ha ha. 4) hiding from the neighbors, who turn out to all be in my ward because I'm back in Utah now ("I saw you out running yesterday." Is a phrase I've heard several times already from ward-members. Still not used to it.); 5) taking care of Corbet; 6) trying to find time to write.

The other day I made a goal. I'd work on my stories DURING THE DAY AT SOME POINT. MAYBE WHEN CORBET IS NAPPING*.

I accomplished that goal once or twice. And then the laundry piled up. And Corbet tried to eat a dust-bunny he found under the linen rack in the master bathroom. That's when I realized I hadn't swept in over a month. So I cleaned. Still haven't swept, but I cleaned the bathroom. Good job, me.

And now I've only written at home once in the past two weeks. Last night. I threw in a scene that was partially inspired by the song "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant. I liked that song BEFORE it appeared on Glee.

I hate Glee.

Anyway, great song. Can't stop listening to "Islands" by Young the Giant, either. And you know what? That band is awesome. I'm in love.

Anyway, I threw the "Cough Syrup" scene into the manuscript that I finished a month or so ago. The manuscript only took me two years to write or something. Ha. Ha ha ha. That's partially because I had a baby during that time. Writing was difficult while pregnant. And then I had some health complications. I know! Excuses, excuses. So, I think the scene works. I need to reread it again, and touch it up, but I think it's daring. And right. It fits. It really does.

So, there's some info about my writing, which has proven to be the hardest thing for me to write about on my blog. Weird, I know. But honestly, it's because I'm afraid to be a failure.

You know. I just want to grow. Somehow. To combat that feeling I constantly have of being in a state of permanent regression. Like Mister Kurtz. Day by day. The older I get. Perhaps it's merely the "the more I know, the more I realize I don't know" phenomenon, and I'm suffering the symptoms of it. Who can say for sure?

Fear bugs me, anyway, and when I finally realize I'm being afraid, I try to woman up and confront it.

This is me confronting a fear.


*This kind of planning always results in the plan's ultimate destruction. Son won't cooperate when I plan to do things while he naps.


Robin Snowscar said...

Hi, I was just wondering what do you write about? I tend to read all sorts and so am quite curious about your writing. The first time I posted a story on blog I became very paranoid - but it's not so bad anymore.

I know the name's a little wierd but that's what we do (Me and my circle of friends) We take names. It's to do with a story we all read.

N. Grotepas said...

Hi Robin,

Thanks for the comment. :) I've written several short stories (they're available on Kindle--links to the right). I don't know how they'd be categorized, exactly. One of them is sort of a future dystopia type story, which I've just expanded into a novel and am getting ready to put it up on the Kindle store, and some have compared it to a Philip K. Dick style (Minority Report). Another is sort of a fantasy/science fiction genre, and the other is just weird. Like an Edgar Rice Burroughs story, or something, I guess.

Currently I'm also totally revising a young adult novel I wrote a few years ago. I've had some big life changes that have forced me to put writing on hold (moved across the country, had a baby, etc), but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.

Tell me more about what you mean about taking names. It sounds interesting. If you don't want to post it all here, let me know and I'll give you my email address.

Robin Snowscar said...

Sounds good think I might give them a shot. I'm pretty good when it comes to books, I read all sorts. All age ranges too, though I do love sci-fi and fantasy. Minority Report, huh? Excellent.
I found that writing helped me get back to normal after a bit of a bad turn of events. It's a kind of refuge, I suppose.
Taken names. Well, when you're born, you're given a name, unsurprisingly known as your given name. A taken name is almost creating another identity while the other remains a secret. So, if Peter Parker is his given name then Spiderman is his taken name. My taken name is Robin. She's also one of the characters I tend to use a lot when I write.

N. Grotepas said...

I should have figured that out from the words "taken name." :) I didn't, and that's not to my credit. Haha. So you said it's from a story you read. What story?

Robin Snowscar said...

Well it's featured in a lot of stories but we are the Skulduggery Pleasant Fandom. It's a little young for me admittedly but I love the stories, it's a series by Derek Landy.

N. Grotepas said...

That looks like a fun series. I don't put an age limit on the books I'll read. I'm still a huge fan of William Sleator and went to the Southern Festival of Books when I lived in Nashville to have him sign some of my copies of his books. I've had them since I was in junior high. He was super awkward and I didn't know what to say, but I wasn't the oldest person in line by far. I don't recall if I said anything to him, though I wanted to tell him how his stories got me interested in science fiction. I've heard that writing for younger ages like that is much harder than writing adult fiction. Younger audiences don't put up with crap, I guess. :)

So do you guys write fan-fiction in the Skulduggery universe?

Robin Snowscar said...

They are good fun, lots of sarcastic humour. Of course, fan-fiction makes up a massive amount of writing on Blogland as we call it. Though I don't like writing fan-fiction - I'm always afraid I won't do the characters justice, so I made up my own universe instead.

I'm going to steal my mothers kindle once she has finished reading :)