Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Bacon is Sexy, Like White-trash is Sexy

Tonight Stoker made bacon and so now I smell like bacon. Everything smells like bacon. I had to soap up the entire kitchen to get rid of the grease splatters. We’re burning a pumpkin spice candle to mask the bacon, but now it smells like a diner during October. We’re just missing the waitress with blue eye-shadow and big hair, chewing her gum obnoxiously. Yeah, that’s funny.

Honestly. We had to run to Target to get Stoker some binders for school (before we moved, I had several left over from school, but Stoker made me throw everything away except my books, cds and clothes—and at first he was uncertain about the clothes. We could have saved $5!) with all the fresh air, the bacon was very noticeable. It tailed us through the aisles and whenever I turned I ran into the smell and felt trashy and embarrassed. I was just waiting for someone to say, “Hey, you guys smell like bacon.” But is that so bad? Smelling like bacon? Stoker told me it’s better than smelling like garlic, which is correct, I loathe the smell of garlic. Allergic, you see.

New rule: no more bacon. At least, not cooked in our apartment. It’s impossible to open the door and windows here, to help air everything out, you know. With the doors open our apartment is like a vacuum for hot air. It only takes a few minutes for the entire place to be a sauna. You think I’m joking, but I’m not.

Yesterday I finished the new Harry Potter and so now I can get on with my life. I’m very upset about the ending, by the way. Rowling is treading on thin ice with me. I can’t believe the audacity of that woman. Why I oughta … But tonight, after I was done degreasing the kitchen, I realized I miss Harry, Ron and Hermione. I might have to start the series over just to feel like I have friends again. As you might have guessed, I left all mine behind in Utah.

This whole no friends thing is good for my relationship with Stoker. If we can weather the stress of a major move, a jobless two weeks (for me, anyway), and no family and friends to lend immediate support (in the way of physically being here), then we can weather anything. Right?


Anonymous said...

Deararies327: It used to be that couldn't eat bacon...I just didn't like it. I'm not sure if it was a texture thing or not. I have, however, always enjoyed the smell of bacon. So if it would have been me you passed in the aisles at Target, I would have smiled at the fact that you both did indeed smell like bacon. Queer yes, but great!

I am currently a big fan of bacon. It was a night/day conversion for me: I just ate it and loved it...but soggy bacon is the worst. I must have crispy (but not too crispy) bacon.

Now I'm hungry. And since the vending machine at work does not supply fresh orders of bacon (stupid vending machine), I will settle for frosted strawberry PopTarts.

linda said...

Nice to see other people loathe garlic as much as I do (and I'm not even a vampire; I'm also allergic).

I am also experiencing the post-Potter separation anxiety after finishing the latest. I've found an antidote, though, if your present budget can stand it: "Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell" by Susanna Clarke. I'm reading it now, and it's as if Jane Austin decided to write on a Harry Potteresque (yes, it's a real word) theme for adults. It's a giant book, and very good. It will keep your mind off your anxiety for quite some time.

rory said...

Hey bacon lady!! ;-) I know how you feel, as I work in a cafe and very often do the cooking, so everyday i go home smelling of bacon, sausages, chip fat...its not very nice! Just popping in to say hi, sorry never got back to your email i am so awful at emails, so bad tis embarassing! Will speak to ya soon, rory xx

Anonymous said...

So we have all seen the movie Peter Pan right? You know when they are teaching someone how to fly they mention thinking happy thoughts? Well, they should have just cut to the chase and just said BACON! No need to be so vague, just sprinkle that fairy dust and set your sights on that second star from the right. It sure would save a whole lot of frustration.

Bacon makes everyone happy, unless it doesn't and they are the ones aimlessly wandering around Target just before midnight in search of something to over power the sweet smell. (Note that they are also the ones who could never figure out how to fly.)

That's a great story Nicole! Glad to hear that things haven't changed all that much besides the distance between us (655.7 miles, which used to be 3 blocks.)

Matthew said...

I have not read any of the Harry Potter books, but my sister is an avid fan. She, too, was quite disappointed with the latest installment in the series.

Aries327 said...

Shannon -- The same kind of thing happened to Stoker with beef jerky that happened to you with bacon. The push for beef jerky came while he was reading Robert Jordan's book, "The Eye of the World." As anyone who's read it will know, you just sort of want to eat dried meat and cheese while you're reading it. And now beef jerky is Stoker's weakness.

Linda -- I understand you. Garlic is a tough thing to be allergic to, limiting one in so many ways. And it sucks more because for the past 20-30 years there's been this wave of garlic-love spreading through the nation and loads of information about how healthy garlic is and how good it is in all dishes and blah blah blah. So every restaurant uses it to excess and I can't eat out without asking the server obnoxious questions like "This chicken alfredo, does it have garlic in it?" They reply: "I don't think so, I can ask the chef..." And they always have to ask the chef.

Anyway, I can tolerate garlic salt or powder more than garlic cloves or garlic puree. But I'd rather not eat ANY garlic. I hate it.

I tried to check that book out from the local library, but it was out (I can't afford to buy it right now). Thanks for the suggestion. I'll keep trying to get it.

Rory -- I love chip fat. No, really, I love the word "chip." It's so . . . British.

Anonymous-commenter-who-is-Mike -- So what are you saying? Bacon makes me happy. As you should know, I happen to LOVE bacon. I love a good plate of bacon and eggs, it's my favorite breakfast. I just don't love smelling like bacon. Or living in an apartment that smells like bacon. I love Stoker, so I'll totally tolerate the bacon smell. However, Stoker was with me on the idea of not cooking bacon in our apartment again. He was the one who suggested not cooking it again.

I miss not living 3 blocks from my friends.

Matthew -- You're missing out. Even a college grad like yourself should read Harry Potter. No one should be above Harry Potter (this includes Stoker, who also has been too proud to read a children's book). I don't know what you're sister told you about the latest book, but it was a very wrong thing for the author to do. I think it defies all established plot rules.

Anyway, thanks for the comment. Come back anytime.


Stoker said...

Too proud? Hmmm... maybe.

Notyetfamousartist said...

I know what you mean about a wanting to read the series over again. When I finally finish a series, it's like a friendship is ending and once in a while I'll start to read it over again.

mutt said...

Smelling like Bacon isn't so bad if your a dog. The story reminded me of that commercial where the dog thinks all the roarshock (sp?) ink blots look like bacon. Mmmm Bacon. "Yummy tasty bacon strips!"

But garlic? Garlic? Come on, garlic makes everything better. Not that it can't be eaten alone. Mmmm Garlic. It's so universal: the French, Italians, Chinese, Koreans etc. all user garlic. I love it when I cook with garlic and the next day my fingers have this subtle yummy galirc flavor. Mmmmm.
According to the experts (who are the experts and how do you sign up?), garlic is also very good for you. Antioxidents or somthing.
I really think that being allergic to garlic is all in your head. I just don't see how it could be any other way. It's not like their pickles or anything.