Monday, April 23, 2012

The "New Look," Facebook Timeline, and Blugly

Is it just me or are other people sick of the "new look" shiz? Yes, shiz is my family-friendly way of saying that FCC-forbidden look alike (you know, the one that ends in T?).

I log in today to write this post and am greeted by the most hideous interface I've ever seen. Google thinks it's cool. I have no idea who's telling them these lies. Their designers? Their IT department? The entirety of Google is probably an IT department that has no concept of beauty (not to say that all IT people are like that, just Google's, maybe?).

Anyway, in case Google and Facebook missed it, THEIR NEW LOOKS are shiz. No one likes them. I represent the everyman, the everywoman and if I don't like it, NO ONE DOES.

Change for the sake of change is merely a nuisance. Don't they get it? EVERYTHING in our normal, day to day life changes, constantly. We can't stop it. It flows and ebbs around us like an annoying tide when all we want is for our sand castles to stay put. We spend hours and hours building them. We get everything just the way we want it. And what happens? The damn tide comes in and washes away our efforts.

We want some things to stay familiar. Google, you know that our mail accounts AND our blogging accounts could stay the same and no one would complain.

Most likely. 

Things that stay the same, especially when they work, are nice. Comforting. Like a Seinfield episode after trying to get into Suburbagotory. Suburgatory*? I have no idea. But there, you see how annoying that title is? It's supposed to be cute and clever all wrapped up into a perfect cupcake, while really, it's just difficult and annoying and NOT Seinfield. 

That's what this new Blogger is. Blugly. Blooger. And not Seinfield. It's trying to be clever. Like Suburgatory but without Alan Tudyk. Therefore, I shall call it Blugly. Or Blooger. And you will know that I mean Blogger.

And that's what the stupid new Facebook Timeline ("timeline, timeline, timeline" [those are echoes. Echoes of horridness]) is. Crapline.

And the new Gmail look. It's now called Crapmail, for those in the know. Because, why? Because it's shiz. It bites. It blows. It sucks. It's crappy crap. It's like an irritating little animal that once offered cuddles and comfort but now all it does is the majority of derogatory verbs. Look, I'm down at the very bottom of this NEW AWESOME Blooger screen and my neck is getting a kink in it. Instead of having half a window, I have a whole window, and it's that embedded crap kind of window where you have to use a scroll bar to move down. It used to be that when I got to this point, I was still looking at the middle of my computer screen and I didn't have to press return a hundred times to get some white space on my page so I wasn't blowing my neck out (you can blow your neck out these days because of computer screen wear and tear. It's true).

So what do I have to do? Blugly Blogger and Google and Facebook make ME adapt to their fancy. For some whimsical reason, they've adopted the mantra of constant improvement. It's like the new corporation, where it's all about profit margins. So rather than continue to give a good profit, the modern corporation gets the consumer addicted to their product, then slowly proceeds to cut corners until that sweet iPad you spent ten gajillion dollars on is now a fancy slab of cardboard with some dust in the middle pretending to be a processor.

In this metaphor, the profit margin is the addiction to "new and improved" and despite no complaints (most likely), these companies that I once loved (well, Google anyway), they feel it their duty to continually make improvements. For what purpose, I ask?

Google, Blogger, and Facebook are my heroine. But they're losing me. I'm considering going back to Hotmail, or transferring my blogs to Wordpress. I hate Wordpress. Why? Because it wasn't Blogger. And I hated Hotmail because it wasn't Gmail. But now that Google's been messing with it, they aren't Gmail and Blogger either. They're some ugly piece of shiz that's supposed to look neat, white, and streamlined.


And also, I will throw in the Timeline version of Facebook. And the horrendous new Gmail look (oh wait, I already mentioned it, oops!). Even though I plastered Google with vitriolic feedback, they still made me switch. It looks just like this ugly, crap Blogger posting page. What's the point? So when I'm blogging, I feel like I'm emailing and vice versa?

This is called hubris. Get over yourself, Google. I was in awe of the space elevator plans, but now I just think you've impaled yourself on your own sword. Pride goeth before the fall, and I can see this giant toppling. Sadly, I want them to topple. They've messed with my mail account and now my blogging world. They've GONE TOO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!

*Yes, I know they have Alan Tudyk and I love him, but that doesn't make the show a shoe-in for the most awesome show award.

EDIT: Oh. Huh. Looky here. A button to revert to the old look. Ah. Brilliant. Much better. Anyway. Still. I know they'll force me to change to the new look, just like they did with Gmail.


gman said...

I have to say, your blog is the most “old fashioned” looking blogs I have ever seen. Haha, I’m just kidding, I like the old format better too. I thought your blog was “friggin’” hilarious (since were disguising our language.) I’m not one for swearing though, and my wife won’t let me anyway. Oh, by the way, I agree with you about Facebook and the new “Crimeline”, as I call it. I don’t have it yet, and I don’t want it. I absolutely love Facebook though, so this too, is a touchy subject for me. Now that I have Facebook on my TV too thanks to the app being on my Hopper whole-home DVR, my wife is nagging me even more. A Dish co-worker told me the app was there now, and now instead of TV, my family sees Facebook on the screen when they come in, because it is so darn easy to see on my big TV. I wish you could revert to the old “wall” system on Facebook, but it is too late.

N. Grotepas said...

Thanks for calling my blog old-fashioned! Old things rule! It sounds crazy to view Facebook on your TV, but I wouldn't know. I'm old-fashioned and prefer a computer. ;) I hope you have a wireless keyboard hooked up too so you can post comments and status updates. Thanks for the comment. Do you have a blog?