Tonight we had rehearsals for the wedding, which is this upcoming Friday night (June 3rd). It was kind of strange and made everything feel more immediate and real.
There are stairs in the back of the room at the reception center, for the bride to go down as a kind of gauntlet, it seems, before the marriage takes place. You might call this a test of her devotion to the groom and her desire to enter the institution of marriage. While it's nice to watch a bride glide into the room in this manner and seemingly float down from above -- the entrance accentuating her physical beauty and prowess -- it's torture to be the one clunking down the stairs in a wedding dress and dangerous shoes, as I will surely be. And tonight I felt very stupid practicing on the stairs in bermuda shorts and an old black Strokes t-shirt, to this very dramatic (though beautiful) music, with Stoker, my mom and dad all watching me. I felt out of place, but luckily we're not having a big ceremony or anything so we were the only people there.
When we left Stoker's parent's house this afternoon, his mom and dad said, "See you on your wedding day!" And that was crazy to hear and think about. It's not that I'm scared to marry Stoker -- I know I want to be with him forever and I love him. But the whole ceremony is a big deal and there's all this pressure on me to perform. When I try my best to step/glide and everything down the stairs on Friday night, I'll be the center of attention. I used to love that, but now that I'm older it's an awkward spot for me. What if I fall down?