For the record, no, Stoker will not be going to a bachelor party and he will not be going to a strip club. I bring this up because my coworker asked me if Stoker would be participating in this tradition. When I said no, my coworker said that maybe the guys (meaning Stoker’s friends, not the guys I work with) would take him, you know, and then Stoker wouldn’t have control over this and he’d just have to go along begrudgingly. I told this coworker that there are no ‘guys’ to speak of. Stoker’s not a man’s man. He doesn’t hang out with the ‘guys.’ He hangs out with me, my family, his family, and occasionally our friends who consist of both males and females .
There’s this problem in modern society of double-standards. Double-standards irritate the hell out of me. Case-in-point:
Before marriage, women throw what’s commonly known as a ‘wedding shower’ for the bride-to-be. At these showers gifts are given to prepare the bride for her upcoming marriage, such as towels, dishes, pots and pans. Sometimes gifts relate to sex, like lingerie or tasteful nightgowns. But again, this is to enhance the relationship. Women prepare and look forward to being a wife, while also aware that it’s an end to an important phase of their life: being single.
What do men do before the marriage? Bachelor parties (except Stoker, he’s not interested in this ritual). Some men are good and have friends who are also good and they simply go out to dinner, or go on a fishing trip. Whatever. Their focus isn’t on something that’s detrimental to his relationship with his fiancée and I don’t care what a man says about his wife being okay with strippers or porn or whatever. Deep down no women is okay with it. It hurts. And it’s an insult to his wife. If Stoker went to a bachelor party with the guys and there was a stripper, it would say to me that he doesn’t care about how I feel if he didn't leave or put an end to it. You know the word, cuckold? That’s a man whose wife has cheated on him. Where’s the word in our language for a woman whose man has cheated on her? As far as I know, there’s not one, but in my mind the crime warrants its own word, such is the importance and depth of pain caused by a man’s infidelity. And I think in the hearts of many women, a man watching a stripper has as good as cheated on his woman.
The solution: men need to change the view of marriage being the old ball-and-chain and look at it as something freeing. A married man has someone to love and who loves him. He has a hug to go home to at the end of the day. He has someone to listen to him. And there’s always sex. I’m not saying marriage is easy. I imagine that like most good things in life, a person has to work hard at it and make it a priority to fend off decay.
So the next time one of your buddies gets married, throw him The New and Improved Bachelor Party*, which mirrors the wedding shower. Instead of pots and pans, give him a barbeque grill or power tools. What better way to show your buddy that you wish him well in his new life than by giving him a ratchet set? Men need tools, it’s not like they grow on trees. They’re expensive and to have a happy, comfortable home a guy needs to be able to go out in the garage and get his pneumatic drill when home repairs are calling.
*This term has been copyrighted by me. Just kidding. But I offer it as the solution to our culture’s negative stereotypes regarding marriage rituals. Not the opposite, which is women regressing to the lowest common denominator and taking the Sex in the City way out of things by having lame-assed bachelorette parties at the Chippendales club. Real great, girls. Real great. Take five steps back on the evolutionary scale. That’s a good idea.